Luigi's Rerun

While David has already written his thoughts about Luigi’s I feel compelled to add mine as well. Luigi’s got a rating of 2 from us on the Heave O' Meter…and it is one of those places that just made me mad! It has all the potential for a great hole in the wall Italian joint….seedy downtown location, dusky lit Mafioso style interior, blatantly Italian hostess… when we walked in I thought…Great! Some real Italiano in Augusta! When the hostess informed us that we’ll be seated family style with some other folks (but ONLY after she could fill the table of six) I thought GREAT! This means they get really crowded, it must be REALLY good and when we were seated with 2 couples from the area I thought now THIS should be fun! Ahhh huh…well…..sort of. Unfortunately Luigi’s only looks like a Mom & Pop Italian restaurant. What it tastes like is…well…let’s just say oatmeal comes to mind. And after speaking with our dining companions for a few moments it became evident that oatmeal-bland food and lifestyle is exactly what they enjoy. The one couple kept going on about the fact that they’d never really been outside the area (and seemed strangely proud of that fact). The other couple, where only the man was allowed to speak it seems, started off by saying you could order any of the spaghetti dishes in the half-order and it was MUCH cheaper…then went on about how the food at one place was cheap, and the food at another place was really cheap and then topped it off by saying that he thought the best coffee was to be had at Waffle Hut? HUH? Oh dear here we go again….. I ordered a glass of Chianti (which drew censorial glances from the far end of the table) and figured it was going to be another blog-worthy meal. Unfortunately I was right…..! The people watching proved to be the only vaguely spicy portion of our meal. We tried to decide if the sleazy looking girls were pros or just had stock in Mary Kay and Aqua-net. I haven’t seen such architecturally designed hair since Loretta Lynne in the 70’s! Since the strip joint is next door we decided they were probably in for a carb-boosting feast before a hard night of the bump and grind. Back at our table things were going a bit down hill. The couple across from us were pleasant if but much like the food yet to come, unseasoned and really pretty boring. The speaking portion of the couple on the end of the table is a proud member of something called the Beech Island Agricultural Club. He clumsily maneuvered this fact into the conversation by saying that David looked familiar and hadn’t he given an address to the club recently? It seems it’s a ‘gentleman’s club’ where women are only allowed to attend once a year. He gave my Dad a wink and a nudge as he described the group’s activities and libations. He also felt the need to ask if Dad “paahked the caaah in Haaaavrd Yaaaahd’ in a bizarre blend of Kennedyspeak and redneck drawl. As our salads arrived he hijacked the table to say an elaborate grace and I started to contemplate duct tape therapy. But luckily once he dug in he ate with all the enthusiasm that his bulk implied and we were spared further conversation. Oh yes the food… it’s down here at the bottom of this little tale because it was as David put it so “unmemorable”. The salads…$4 a pop, iceburg lettuce, a sprinkle of generic feta cheese, 2 pallid slices of tomato and 1 tiny kalamata olive…not exactly bountiful or flavorful either with it’s coating of fresh from the bottle dressing. I ordered eggplant parmagania, one of my standard favorites. This is not a tough dish to perfect but yet Luigi’s made it tough….literally! The overfried eggplant slabs were so chewy I had to cut them with a knife, no nice mozzarella cheese was in evidence…and the sauce tasted like it was right out of the Delmonte can…..no spices, no garlic…just ground up tomato. David went with the Fettuccine Alfredo…again a relatively simple dish. Luigi’s wanted it so simple they decided to leave out all those pesky things like garlic and cheese…wouldn’t want any flavor getting in the way now would we? Dad had the only reasonably tasty fare with his plate of Moussaka. Though he said it was far from the best he’d ever had he gave it a ‘not bad’… He too has found that to be the standard praise for food in this area. In keeping with the theme of bland is best Luigi’s served up plain white bread (because crusty bread is somehow sinful we’ve decided) with whipped non-cow “buttery” spread on the side. This is a HUGE pet-peeve of mine as I’ve mentioned in previous ramblings but it really ticks me off when it’s served with an $11 entrée! When the meal wrapped up the waitress inquired about coffee. The Waffle Hut aficionado chimed in that it was “Really good!” Ah gee, no thanks I think I’ll pass….on the coffee…..and on Luigi’s.