Finally, a 10!

Gorizia Worthington Springs, Florida I am having trouble believing it myself. Driving to Cedar Key, Florida on Thanksgiving Day, Diane and I thought we were going to be relegated to eating at - of all decrepit places - McDonald's. It seemed that Mickey D's was the only place cruel enough to have their employees working schelpping McFood, rather than eating turkey and dressing with the family. Our route took us down US Highway 1 to Folkston, Georgia (gateway to the Okefenokee) and from there GA 121 to the Florida state line and FL 121 down to Gainesville. As we crossed Interstate 10, Diane made some rumbling about stopping at the next open McDonald's - out of sheer desperation. I think that her hunger had somehow weakened her mind. The hunger had maddened me as well - I was going to stop. That all ended when we rolled into Worthington Springs, Florida. I am pleased to announce that Gorizia: real Italian Restaurant has received a 10. Let me say that one more time... Gorizia: real Italian Restaurant gets a 10! Stop me, I must be dreaming! We were at once impressed with the eclectic Florida tiki bar motif - not exactly what you would call rural Tuscan....but, then again.... who cares?!?! "No Preachin' No Politikin' No Whinin'" are the rules of the house...good with Diane and I, we are sick of all of the above. It looked like it was someone's house - and I suspect that it may be. Open on Thanksgiving? "Sure...why not...come on over to our house for dinner" was the attitude we found. We ordered - at the owner's recommendation - the lasagne special for $22 for two. At first I thought that seemed a bit high. Of course, that was until I got the first course: a plate o' salad with handmade balsamic vinaigrette and feta cheese. This was a mound of salad! Then came the rolls. Let's just put it this way, there were no vampires stalking us for a day or so after eating this mound of bread. These are the kind of garlic rolls that just ooze butter and garlic down your hand. You have to use a napkin just to eat the bread - that is my kind of roll! By the time the lasagne got there, I was ready for the finale. The entree did not disappoint! A big ol' plate of lasagne that the lady hand cut and personally served to Diane and I.... this was too much to hope for! A place with good food, prompt service AND nice people! I cannot recommend Gorizia any stronger! John will make you a good Italian meal and then sit down and talk about...stuff... with you. According to their web site: "Don't see it on the menu? Just request it! If we have the ingredients...we'll make it." I fully believe that to be true. This is one good place...sorry to keep repeating myself... Toto, we are not in Georgia any more.

The bare necessities

Which aren't all that simple it seems.... David and I were reading some of the posts herein and found that we have been a bit on the negative side. This is not without reason. From our perspective, we are looking for a few simple things from our dining experience: nice people, good atmosphere, quality food and prompt service. At this point, price is not a real consideration. The bare minimum.... 1. For the love of God would you people get over your fear of COWS!! Powdered soybeans and miscellaneous chemicals are NOT cream....and when you add oil to it, it's still NOT cheese, and if it won't melt it's NOT butter. Never has been, never will be...! 2. A smile would be nice... pleasant would be even better. Yes we know you hate your job, and we really don't care! Smile dammit! No really, just look like you don't hate us on sight...that's a start. 3. Fill 'er up! Yes...we do drink more water than someone lost for days in the wilds of the Arizona desert...So??? Keep it comin' ! 4. Cleanliness is next to Godliness... and with all the preaching around here you'd think they'd get THAT one right. Fluffy toilet seat covers are great when it's only your bum that's using it but in a public restroom...EEEwwww! And another thing... ever look closely at all the decor crap hanging from the ceiling (fake flowers, clowns, etc) if you just HAVE to have them could you at least scrape the layer of grease and hair off them every now & again? 5. Food that is made at least in part from scratch? Yeah that's right give the microwave a rest and make something that wasn't dumped right out of the bag from Sam's Club. So what do we require, really? Friendly, competant service (with the accent on the friendly)...real food...clean surroundings. That's all!

Badge Of Shame

Sunday started off with another round of "the Quest". Surely today we would find something tolerable to eat in Augusta. Considering that the "Best of Augusta" moniker was laid upon the Mellow Mushroom as the "Best New Restaurant"...I am not putting too much stock in the "Best Of..." Not that there is anything wrong with the Mellow Mushroom - but it is a chain. If a chain is the "Best Of..." anything, then we are sorely lacking. Bottom line: Augusta is sorely lacking. Augusta Magazine's "Best Of Augusta" seems to be awarded to...pretty much everyone. I almost expected to see "Best Guy Named Larry" (I am sure it was there, if had only looked hard enough) Rhinehart's was one of our stops today. After a fairly decent pizza at The Pizza Joint on Broad Street, we went in search of coffee and desert. Surely one of the "Best of Augusta" would have a slice of Key Lime and some Java. This was not to be.... Scooter (no, I am not kidding, that was the kid's name) informed us that, "We don't got coffee." I guess sobering up drunks really doesn't rate high on Rhinehart's "to-do" list. We didn't stay. Instead, we drove on up Washington Road to R. Gabriel's Coffee Shop. Finally, a place where the girl (who had a certain Bridget Fonda thing going) behind the counter was nice....the coffee was good....and the cake was decent. Oddly, R. Gabriel's Coffee Shop did not rate in the "Best Of..." that we could find. This is a good sign! We will be back...and THAT is the highest praise I can give any restaurant in Augusta...so far.

Scales Of Justice (The Heave-O-Meter)

Diane and I were trying to compare the horrific experience at Calvin's to some of our other stomach wrenching dining in the South and realized that we needed some sort of scale with which to rate such things. Mind you, this is subjective on my part, so Diane may tend to disagree - although not by much. This scale is admittedly slanted toward the lower end. I would not have to do this if the food in this area would not cause my lower end to slant. So, here is my first stab at a Heave-O-Meter: 1. Stomach Pump - a danger to the public health. The kind of dining which offers such delights as stomach cramps, late-night visits to the Kaopectate lounge and a round trip ticket for the meal d'jour. Examples: Amanda's in Aiken, The Villa South in Sandersville 2. Go To Your Room! - the place that restaurant owners should be ashamed of. These are especially bad because they have potential....which is wasted. Examples: Hot Food by Calvin in Augusta, Blue Desert Cafe in Cedar Key 3. Happy Place - not because they are a happy place, but for the need for me to "go to my happy place" during or after the meal - lest I go postal on the server. Peggy's in Wrens, Miss Cheryl's in Stapleton, Midville Diner in Midville, Boll Weevil Cafe in Augusta...the list goes on and on.... 4. Ed Wood - Holy Crap! What is that on the plate? Is it a B-Horror Movie or is it dinner? An overall scary experience, either from a culinary perspective or just plain freaky people. Examples: Shoney's in Livonia, Hardee's in Livonia, Just about everywhere in Livonia, The Villa South Sandersville (again), Broad Street Bistro in Louisville...I could go on, but for the love of things Holy, I won't. 5. It Could Be Worse - of course, it could be better too! The food at such places probably won't make you physically ill, the service probably won't require that you post bond at the local jail...but it just wasn't that good either. Examples: Malley's in Augusta 6. A Relative Term - "Good" almost comes to mind, but only when you realize that you are in The South and good doesn't mean the same thing round these parts. Example: The Mexican Place in Wrens (always forget the name) 7. Hit and Miss - You can't get everything right. Either the food was great and the service was horrible or vice versa. Example: The diner outside of Hinesville, GA 8. Solid - Good food, good service, good people. Solid performance across the board. Examples: Russell's on US 21 outside of Beaufort, the diner at the corner of GA RTE 17 and US 301 9. We'll Be Back - something special. Something about this place makes us remember the experience (in a good way)...the personal touch....the phenomenal food....something is...inspired. Examples: Katherine's in Beaufort, Chuy's in Van Horn, TX, Watchmaker's in the Fitzpatrick Hotel in Washington, GA, Matsu Sige on Washington Rd in Augusta. 10. Elysian Fields - what we have been searching for all along. The benchmark with which all others are gauged. Examples: Bisbee Breakfast Club in (of all places) Bisbee, The Little Diner in Canutillo, TX.

The Poo Poo Platter

Hot Food By Calvin Augusta, Georgia I have never been so disappointed as I was today. For weeks, Diane and I had talked about eating at Hot Food By Calvin. The anticipation of the "Best Soul Food in Town" was great, the place came highly recommended by "Brother Al" - a part-time black minster from North Augusta who, from the looks of his girth, knows how to enjoy a good meal. Seeing the catering van from Calvin's racing all over town only strengthened the feeling that Calvin himself held the keys to our culinary salvation in the great restaurant wasteland. Today, Calvin taught us that there is no light at then end of the tunnel....no salvation...nothing to satisfy our quest for a meal that doesn't make you want to "return fire"...worship the goddess...Buick....Ralph...Call The Walrus...Yodel in the porcelain canyon....I think you get the point.... This place....This Wretched, Cursed Place....Damn you Augusta, for you truly are Culinary Hell! I ordered the Philly Cheese Beef Sandwich...$4.50 for shoe leather mushed with uncooked bell peppers...I almost broke my tooth trying to gnaw through what I can only guess must have been brisket at some point in history....ancient history... Something caught my eye....something small...moving, then stopping....I am not sure if the roach on the wall was signaling us to run...it just kind of stood there, wagging its little antennae at us for a few minutes...retreating back into the putrid grease that dripped down the counter.... Diane...she went the safe route.....ordered fried chicken...cole slaw side...fried green tomatoes...cornbread....uh huh... Glad to report that the chicken was actually pretty good. This was the one and only flash of hope in an otherwise horrific meal. Cole Slaw...straight from Sam's Club....The Cornbread....let me take a moment to speak to the cornbread.....I sampled the cornbread (trying to get the shoe leather taste out of my mouth)...this was a mistake. I chewed...and I chewed...and I tried to wash it down with some tea....and I chewed...this little chunk would not disintegrate....it was like I had a mouth full of corn flavored cement....this was the worst cornbread...and mind you, cornbread is tough to screw up....this was the worst cornbread I have ever contemplated. I personally did not know that you could make cornbread this bad...this is a new benchmark for what NOT to do.... It was at this point that Diane and I had our epiphany: With Augusta being the lowest plane of the culinary inferno, things are inverted here..."best" takes on new levels of bad here. There and then, we pledged that if folks claim, "Its the best in Augusta!", there is no way in hell we will even drive by it on the street. Then came the fried green tomatoes. Green....not really....more black on the outside...greenish on the inside...fried...oh yes, they were fried...the gallon of grease in each slice let us know that they were, indeed, fried... Dear God/Allah/Yahweh/Budda/Krishna/Your Higher Power Here...please don't make us ever repeat this...whatever we did...we won't do it again....we promise....