Tony's Seafood
597 Second Street
Cedar Key, Florida 32625
First off, Cedar Key, Florida (as noted on the city limits sign) is the #1 producer of farm raised clams in the United States. This may be true, but dinner on Sunday night at Tony's Seafood on Second Street was not evidence of that fact.
How exactly does a seafood restaurant who regards itself as the only restaurant in town that uses exclusively local seafood - and charges a premium for that fact - run out of clams by 7:00 PM? How does this same local seafood bastion run out of oysters at the same time? How does this same restaurant take an hour to turn out a burger (ordered well and delivered to the table rare) and a bowl of clam chowder (good but pre made - just heat it up)?
How, you may ask, do all of these come to pass in one restaurant?
The answer: No Tony, just his stoned brother Eric.
Tony may be a whiz in the kitchen, but Eric just stares at the grill trying to figure out what to do next. Tony may be a great host, Eric yells at the nicely dressed woman who came into the kitchen to see why her order was taking hours to prepare. Tony may have earned a reputation that demands that folks call ahead for reservations, Eric allows 9 of 10 tables to be without food for over an hour.
Let me be honest, I hope for Eric's sake that he was stoned. If he were that slow and dim witted - and stone cold sober - he has real worries about being in the restaurant business. I am not sure what my favorite dining moment was at Tony's.... from our ring-side seats at the door to the kitchen, we got to see it all in living color! Hmmm... was it Eric staring at the grill and demanding that the waitresses stop bringing him tickets... was it the scene where Eric and his prep chef looked into the freezer, hoping that some frozen miracle would just pop out... was it the waitress suggesting the "Cab-roh-nay Savanne"....
If Diane or I had actually ordered one of the $25 entrees, and the service was... well... as it was... I would have given Eric a little Scarface introduction to my "little friend"....
Holy shit. The only thing I have ever seen that could compare - other than Nancy Paranha cussing me out - was the lady at Cedar Key's other high end destination, the Blue Desert Cafe... where every meal (and I shit you not) is prepared serially... that is to say that person A gets their order cooked to perfection.... and the the chef STARTS on the next meal.... the end result is that no one gets to eat together... ever.
Who are these people? More importantly, how in the hell do they not only stay in business... but have a waiting list for reservations.... |
